I'm a woman... Opsss.. I'm a Muslimah

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Yes, I'm a Muslimah, I felt uneasy when people staring at me, I look down when I bumped to guy, not because I'm arrogant but I'm shy, but with female friends I declare that I want a hubby whom is a Mr Nice Guy, I wear a long hijab and a saggy dress because i felt safe in there, but what's important it's in shariah that I'd always put my best to obey, I do silly things that I didn't expect for me to do so, I push door that clearly say pull, I keep things that memorable to me even it is only a candy wrapper, I laughed harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing, I walk into rooms and forgot why I was there, I searching for things that already in my hand, I smiled alone when I thought of something funny, I listen to people who needs me to become their ears, I tried to solve problems which is not my problems, I'm pretending that I'm alright when I'm actually not, I tried to act tough even though I'm not, I hide my problems from people because I don't want to burden them with that, I hate to become trouble to others, I cry a lot more than u think I do, I'd only share happy things with people, I always bottle up my feeling and cried alone before fall asleep, I say it's nothing when it is something, I smiled to hide my sorrow, I create stupid jokes to cheer myself up, I'm easily get touched with sad story and quickly shed my tears so that no one can see I'm crying, I always want the best for my beloved one, I put my best to fit in their situation even they don't want me to, I hide my tears from them so that when they see me, they don't have to think of the problems, but just to create a happy moment together... and this is me... who love to speak my mind about something..so that i won't regret for keeping it to myself when I know it is in need to be voice out.

Sometimes, people do hurt me a lot.. u know what did I do ? I pray for strength from Allah, tell Him every single things , He is the best listener, do the Zikr, ablution, perform the Salah, read the Quran.. and eventually  my heart felt calm and at peace. I'll take people's hatred swallow it like motivation candy, forgive and forget, and move on with my life.. and that is me and this is my story...


ps : This is the last day for 2012, I hope 2013 will be a better place for me.. insyaAllah Aamiin....